Oh Dear...

Mmmm have I mentioned I'm paranoid? And I'm not even clever enough to do it undercover. I feel like Charlie Brown some days, I seem to worry about all the wrong people and especially about all the wrong, insignificant, off hand comments. I'll analyze till I've time-space traveled through every possible Universe and then some. Basically, I though R had fibbed about being a good little English teacher and going to do his lesson plans, when he was actually planning on going to see footie with a friend. In fact, although he did go watch the footie, he hadn't planned to apparently, and to be fair, I have no reason to doubt him...except for THAT phone call...but see, there I go doing it again. In any case, I take it all back, not all men are lying scumbags. Just most of them.

In other news, I had a nice weekend, Friday involved clubbing as usual, me and co. went to the Ole Caribe (How quaint, no?); Saturday R's band played at the Pedro's a.k.a. Peter's house, which was really neat. There was a guy there so high, I have to wonder if space cowboy ever came down. I also met Tania's sister in law, Nayeli who is lovely and is going to do my nails, and Isella (I think that's how you spell it) who was really nice. And I'm not just saying that because she called me linda. All in all, people I want to see again.

Sunday involved attempting to clean the house again, but we have chaos and filth sprites who disagree. I swear I clean a room and the second I leave for a moment it goes right back to how it was. The fact that we have a baby in the house can't have anything to do with it...can it? I also went to a great seafood restaurant, " La Bahia" with William and R. We had cocktails and oysters. I absolutely love oysters, I think they're fantabulous. And I like chewing them too, I don't give a toss how one's supposed to eat them. Question: Is my fake British accent as good as Madonna's? Take into account I don't have a voice coach. I also went into paranoia overdrive as mentioned above, which was spurred on by a little phone conversation, which was itself ignited by a little football match: Mexico vs. Brazil. And guess what? WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! Yes, MEXICO is now world champion! Hurrah! Okay so it was the under 17's division, but that doesn't matter, they'll be playing in the big leagues soon enough.

I have a problem. I want to kill someone. Genuinely. Who do you think it might be? Answers on a postcard to the usual address. I'm not going to kill them, but for all the wrong reasons and it's bothering me. In a nutshell, one of my mom's friend's husbands seems to have been raping their 3 year and 9 month old girls, and has been definately sleeping with his 15 year old niece. It doesn't look like anyone is going to do anything to put the bastard behind bars and who's to say he won't go and do it again. I keep trying to remember that all human life has worth and that it's not my place in the grand scheme of things to go avenge anything, much as I'd like to be Batman or The Punisher in my comic book fed fantasy world. But I could, if I wanted to and without risking myself too much. Well though out plans involving poison, self defense or a pig farm could all do the trick...so why don't I? I have no illusions that I'm overcoming my base instincts and am deep down a noble soul. Maybe I'm just scared that if I cross that line nothing will be the same again. Maybe I'll want to kill more people. Maybe the fact that he's a total jerk and deserves it is just an excuse? Maybe I'm just full of my own bullshit.

I talked to my dad about how I was feeling, and he gave me the standard issue,
-"It's none of your business, hopefully the wife will talk to the police, leave it up to the Big Man in the Sky."
I think that is too much of a cop out, and I told him so,
-"But I don't trust the Big Man."
-" That is the source of all your sorrows, and it will continue to be until you entrust yourself to him."
WTF!? Why is it so wrong that I want to take responsibility for myself and my surroundings. I don't think leaving everything up to the will of some figment of some Jew's imagination is going to fix anything. For the mean time, I'm trying to remind myself why killing other human beings is wrong...

I thought I heard little stones tapping at my window. I'm given to romantic flights of fancy of that sort. But alas, the street is empty and there's no heavyweight jumping beans sitting on my window ledge.