Season of Mists

Listening to: "Three Libras" by Perfect Circle
Current mood: Melancholy, nostalgic (yes, THAT song will do that to anyone, not that i need any help).
Worrying about: Dying (yes, I know it's useless).
Quote: "Don't take life too seriously, you can't possibly get out of it alive." Bugs Bunny

Hmm, I'm considering putting those up there for the rest of my posts, I'll see how I feel about it next time I post. I've been meaning to put something up for ages, but dad discovered peer to peer trading programs and is staying up till 4 a.m. every day downloading music. In a week he's managed to do more damage to the music industry than I have in 6 months. But he's not home tonight, William is asleep, my siblings are being taken care for by the nanny, aka the tv (they're way too far gone for me to save them, I'm waiting for them to hit puberty to try and use the hormone jolt to pull them out of their brain deadness), and mum is out with an aunt.

I've got plenty to write, maybe too much, as recently I've found that I interpret a lot of what happens to me by thinking, "How am I going to write about this in my blog?", which is much much worse than having imaginary conversations with myself about what I'm going to say to X or Y next time I see them. I can only hope I'm not the only one who is suffering from this mental illness, and to be honest I don't need to hope too hard. I bet the pharmaceuticals are already making up a drug and a name to go along with it.

This is what the Diagnostic Manual will say:

Blogger Induced Psychosis

Patient displays an unusual obsession with updating their blog, which is often used as a means of "framing" the world in order to interact with it better or to give it a more television like image to perception. In some type A individuals this is accompanied by the belief that the blog has a huge loyal audience, and that they owe this legion of fans up to date and accurate information.

Mmmm, maybe not. In any case here I am, and feeling a bit blue. It's one of the simple side effects of traveling so much, you leave a little bit of yourself in every spot, and sometimes you just ache for places and people and it is just a wave that needs riding out, because one can't just take the next plane to Timbuktu every time you get a bit "non-homesick". People often ask me where I think home is, and all I can ever reply is "What home?" It's like Rachel used to say, "If home is where the heart lies, and the heat lies, then where is home?". Right now I'm having one of those rare downers that constitutes missing everywhere and everyone at the same time, and this added to the fact that old friends have been coming out of the woodwork to say hi and everything reminds me of England, the place that comes closest to home in my mind.

Not to say with all this that I don't love Mexico, or the people I do have near. And even less so that I would trade in my nomad days for a more sedentary life style. Hell no! I would never exchange the dozens of rooms I couldn't decorate to fit my taste because they were rented or because it wasn't worthwhile due to the short amount of time I was going to spend in them for a permanent set of four walls I could do as I wished with. And I wouldn't trade the hundreds of people I know but hardly get to see, for friends that were always there. No, I really do like things as they are, but sometimes it's a lonely life. But this feeling will pass, probably by the end of the week, and I'll be moaning again at having slept in the same room for the past six months and not being able to stretch my wings.

So, who dropped me a line? I heard from Janacua, the third boy I ever kissed. We had a few dates in Mexico City after meeting in a chat room, and then I ran and hid. I was 15 at the time and to be honest I still haven't got the hang of saying good bye properly, and I was about to go back to England. To his credit he didn't hold a grudge and we chat and exchange emails every once in a while. Um, and not to my credit at all, he was writing to tell me that as usual, I've left it forever to answer his last email and he hopes I'm still alive.

I got an email from Daniel, who is a darling, even though he's usually more melancholy and pessimistic than I am in my worst hours. The email was to say hi, since I haven't been online in a while (we're chat buddies), um and to mention he was feeling blue...I rest my case. Then again he usually manages to lift my spirits whenever we chit chat and not always by showing me the dark side of things. Shoot, now I'm trying to resist whistling that tune from "Life of Brian".

Next person on this stroll down memory lane is DLB#1 aka David Burns, my genuine first ever boyfriend. Nice guy, funny as hell and a gorgeous body. Why oh why did I break up with him then? Ah yes, lovely though he was, in the end I realized we were really friends with benefits, I loved him dearly, but NOT like that. And I think the feeling was mutual. I was a bit cruel.. okay I was too cruel to him in the end, and although we still exchange emails it doesn't happen as often as it should. So note to self: write David more often.

Last email I got was from Rachel, who is either too busy or too sad to update her blog, so I'm a bit worried about her. Not too worried though, as I know she is spunkier than she admits and will be all right no matter what. She's managed to not turn cynical and boring despite being VERY smart, and that is a rare gem. Out of all the people that are far away, she's the one I miss the most, and my best friend. Sorry to say that at times I've been cruel to her too, out of sheer oblivion or immaturity. Again, being the little ray of sunshine that she is, we're still in touch in spite of that.

And for all of them and many others I am grateful. So I'm going to stop being such a weeping willow now. But thinking back, I guess I've been unkind to a lot of people, and if any of you are reading this, all I can say is I'm sorry, and it genuinely was not malicious, it was probably more of a case of me being silly, or selfish, or childish; and it's all down to me not being quite domesticated or polished, so don't take it personally.

In other news I finished my first term of uni on Tuesday, with flying colors, all 10's except for a darn 9 somewhere, so all A's and a B for you Brits...I stayed up all night Monday to finish a web page for IT that isn't online, and does not look anything like this webpage, which I also made, but much much better, thanks to this. I might upload it someday, just for the hell of it. I also showed my teacher my blog to which he replied "Stop fussing you nerd, you've already got a 10." Yes, bow before my mighty nerd powers, pestering my teachers into giving me top scores! Mmm the Virgin Mary talk didn't go as smoothly as planned, but at least I didn't get stoned, and my opponent was a bit rubbish too, so never mind.

I have a frightening reinscription through the internet coming up, which I've been told is going to be hellish. Apparently I have to pick a schedule, but there's only so many spots for each schedule, s if someone comes along with better grades than me they can kick me out of the group and I have to find a new schedule. And the system has a tendency to go offline....

Thursday night Ivonne phoned me to tell me she had to hand in a photography project the next day and would I pose naked for her and 2 of her classmates. Now, I still don't know if I should feel offended or proud at the fact that when her original model fell through, I was the first person she rang, but of course I agreed almost immediately. I've always wanted to pose for life drawings, but I've never had enough time to commit to a project of that immensity, so this was perfect. It was the most fun I've had taking my clothes off since, um lets see, Saturday. And no I won't be posting the photos on here, and you can't have copies, that includes you Mr. Rockstar. The last time I had nude photos of me, the mobile they were in got stolen, and heaven knows where they are now...

Speak of the devil, I went to see Narnia with Mr. Rockstar and it was lovely, I love fantasy stories with magickal creatures and a good versus evil plotline. The CGI animation is just amazing, the outfits and makeup were incredible, and the music was very good too (and don't take my word for it, the resident music man, Mr. Rockstar concurrs). And I{m just a sucker fot gryphons. I read the book when I was little, but what really got burnt into my young cerebral cortex was the scene in the animated movie when the witch tortures and kills the lion. My only complaint is there not much in the way of blood in the film, which isn't surprising since its a PG and a Disney film to boot, but both of us thought a darker version of the film for adults wouldn't go amiss. Mr. Rockstar won absolutely no brownie points wishing out loud that we would soon get to see more of the witches cleavage...anyhow, the point is its a great film despite the lack of gore and will some director please, please, make the rated R version?