Here´s Johnny!

Wow! I can´t believe I haven´t posted since July. Time flies when your´re having fun... well, and when you´re working. Everything much has been going on here. For starters, my boyfriend and I are getting married! Don´t panic that you haven´t received an invitation, we haven´t sent any out yet, since we´re still choosing the venue. Hopefully we´ll manage to get a place in Xochimilco, a group of mini man made islands datin from prehispanic times. You usually get to them on decorated trajineras. I guess it could be considered the Venice of Mexico.



Well it´s late now, and I want to go write an article about "La Mata Viejitas", or The Little Old Lady Killer.

Stars

Giant Pandas ate my Baby!

No not really. Just in a tabloidy sort of mood. And I saw Elvis this morning. Okay, that´s not true either. But its 3 am and I´m waiting for the washing machine to finish so I can hang up the clothes, so humor me, if you will. There´s been a lot going on. Too much, hence no blogging (yeah excuses, excuses).

My parents have been gone for about a month, dad´s in Mexico City and mum´s in Argentina, visiting my grandmother. At first it was nice, but my little sister and brother are starting to get on my nerves. So if there´s anyone from the slave market out there I have a couple of youngsters here, just waiting for the highest bidder. Oh and apparently, I´m too soft on William and need to discipline him more. Sure, he´s back talking more than he used to, but I thought that was just him going trough the terrible two´s.

In other news, according to quizzila I´m evil. Well tell me something I didn´t know. Tsk Just because I don´t believe in God I bet...

which angel are you (friggin awsome pics!!)

your too dark too even be an angel some people might say your evil Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Oh, and the family is going to Egypt for the summer! For my sister´s wedding! I´m finally going to have to give in and buy a digital camera.

Come on down to South Park...

Too much internet, not enough adult supervision...

To: The Pidgeon Goddess - From: 555, Satan´s Little Sister

Guess which one is you?
Hail Eris!
All my love,
555

P.S. You´re right, you can´t miss with an H bomb.

Oh Rats!

Why do I fall asleep at work and in class, but when bedtime comes around I have the energy of a thousand suns? Just as well I've got loads to blog about and I´m not fond of counting sheep.

I got a new job two weeks ago as an auxiliary English teacher at a local private school here in Mexicali, with the prospect of a regular teacher´s position for next August. I´m learning a lot about treating children and their parents that I hope will come in handy when I graduate. Although it´s a bit frustrating, a lot of my students and their families have serious emotional problems, and I can´t help them out because of work limitations. Still, it´s something I have to get used to and I know full well I´m not going to magic away everyones problems. What would be the point of that?

This Wednesday I went to an interview at the local office of the Federal Electorate Institution (IFE) since I applied for a job as a District Councselor (sort of an impartial observer for elections), and I nearly got it as well, until the interviewer realized I was only 22. I hadn´t noticed that by law you need to be 25 for that position. 3 measly years can make all the difference. Still, I made a good impresion and there might be something for me there in the near future.

On Monday I had a presentation at Uni about Jung and the collective unconscious. His ideas really hit home, even though they´re considered pseudo scientific mumbo jumbo by a lot of people. As part of the presentation I charted out a visualization exercise through one of the most common archetypes: The Tree of Life, mainly the Hebrew edition, adding on archetypes at certain sephirot.

The trip starts of at number ten, the earthly Malkhut, where the traveler takes off his or her mask of the Persona off and observes it, trying to decipher his or her true nature. From there the traveler moves on to Yesod, the moon to take a glimpse of his or her personal unconscious (obviously this isn't as easy as it sounds and should have hours of visualization dedicated to itself, but we only had 40 minutes for this class). This was one of the hardest parts of the exercise, and I lost quite a few people at this stage. They were told at the beginning of the exercise that they were free to stop whenever they wanted and a lot of them did. One girl even left the room, but she didn´t share her experience with the rest of the class. Shame.

After a short pause, we moved on to Hod, Mercury´s Sephira to visualize the intellect, ideas, and profesional motivations, as well as giving a bit more importance to the Roman deities and the ideals they represent by mentioning a statue of Mercury and started representing the Sephirot as houses.

The next Sephira was the solar Tiferet, which I really didn´t know what to do with. I guess I should have said something about personal renewal, beauty and the ideas of time, but oh well. I instead prompted the class to think about solar deities like Jesus and Ra.

We quickly moved on to Netzach, Venus´s Sephira. Here the traveler could find any female figure of importance to him or her, as well as the Ego for women and the Anima (the female aspect of a male´s unconscious) for men. The men in the group were accompanied from this point onwards by their Anima. The group was given a few minutes to converse with whomever they met at Netzach before moving on to Gevurah, Mars Sephira, where the opposite happened: men met their Egos and women were joined by their respective Animus (the male face of a female´s unconscious), who would accompany from there on. Also, travelers could meet any male character of importance to them. I´m considering that perhaps I should have left the Anima and Animus for Binah and Chesed respectively, but it´ll have to wait for next time we use this execise.

Instead, since the travelers were now armed with their Anima or Animus Ilad them straigh to Daath, to face their Shadow, their repressed selves. This, strangely, went over better than facing their unconscious. Maybe my classmates are too blind, or more developed than I give them credit for. After Daath it´s smooth sailing, we made a sop through the accepting Keter to admire the complete Self before travelling back down to Malkuth to pick up our masks, considering wether we really need them or not.

And oh dear, it´s two a.m. and I have to be up in 4 hours....!

2006, Photos of the year

This blog is more than a little photo dry... partly because I don't have a digital camera (gosh, that's so last century), and partly because I spend so much time looking at screens anyway (think about it, stare at the digital clock, stare at your phone, stare at the tv, stare at the computer, etc), spending more time looking at reality through a lens seems a little too self indulgent.

So here's pickies courtesy of the rest of the family. This is Tecate, our Belgian Sheperd. He wants to kill our landlady.

My IQ went down a couple of notches while I was blond. I dyed my hair for the shooting of Resident Evil 3: Extinction. It's good to try everything at least once, but blonds certainly don't have more fun, especially if they're undead.

William had his first spring festival at daycare and is cuter than ever.
Oh, and we went to our first hen party, sans strippers of course.
We went to San Felipe with the whole family. And I got and quit my job with a real estate company there.
My dad opened a gym with my uncle. This is one of the instructors. Staring at men with big muscles isn't a novelty anymore.

Hey girls, hey boys, super star dj, here we go!

Ah, finally it's safe to post, now the existential angst of the New Year is finally starting to dissipate... and well erm okay yes, the Mexico City cutie has gone back to Mexico City, leaving me with somewhat a bit more free time. Well actually he's in lovely Los Cabos which, with any luck, will be the setting of our wedding =). I know, I'm disgusting but I like it that way.

So without any nostalgia, 2006 was an odd year (well which isn't?). We all learnt a thing or two about love and hate, and the inadequacy of the Fear-----Love lifeline from Donnie Darko (oversleeping? Watch it, should get you through the night without a wink). Sometimes t
hose we love make us hate them a little, and the people we used to think we loved we end up hating a lot. Who knows what 2007 will be like? Hopefully it'll be more about learining to love things we hate.

6 Foot Man Hating She Wolf

Oh all right, it's true, I'm only 5'11''. And I don't hate men, not really, damn instincts. But synchronicity has just been keeping me in touch with my inner She Wolf lately... here are some of the sites it's been leading me to...

That Girl Emily ... Emily's husband cheated on her with her best friend. This made way for 14 days of fury poured down by a scorned woman.

Muslim Hedonist ....actually one of the blogs Rachel reads. Us Mexican gals have it hard with the completely idiotic Macho men we have to deal with (some guy had the nerve to "mamacita" me, while I was with my two year old today!) but I take of my hat to Muslim women.

But of course, I'm not one to make you all get pissed off and not help you to deal with it... so I give you Make Him Pay , which just happens to be full of lovely tips for venting.

Delayed Response...or The End of Term Breakdown

Ah, smell the cool fresh breeze, for you are free children of the UABC's Faculty of Human Sciences...

Yeah right. All of us demi gods, anal to oral in 2.3 seconds types, we're collectively having our end of term breakdown. I think I already ate twice my own body weight in chocolate. And basically, to food types round the globe, I'm the new black hole in the solar system. If it comes anywhere near my event horizon, it's gone. I don't care if you licked it first as a safeguard, I'll eat it anyways. Yep, comfort eating is not cool, boys and girls.

Emotions though, they're the complete oposite. Everything I didn't have the time to face during the term, the stuff that either got used as fuel or buried in the back of the closet with unpleasant memories of losing to boys, or not living up to myself. And now I'm not quite so busy, they all want to be dealt with. I tried ignoring them and of course they all decided to stage a Broadway musical entitled: "Silvia's Fucking Weird Dream: The Kind That Leaves you Defeated and Melancoly"

To start off with, my subconcious reminds me of my inability to park anywhere near my target destination. I'm probably too polite to take up those spaces. ...nothing to do with the fact that parking makes me uncomfortable, and paranoid, so I have to have a HUGE space to do it in. I dreamt I was searching for my mum, and parked what I thought was a few blocks away.

After walking more than a few blocks away i decided to turn back to the car, only to bump into the rockstar and some of his friends. Here comes the defeating and melancoly bit I hear you say. You're dead right. I limit myself to a swift hello and try and keep my distance. Truth be told, these last few months I've only been getting agrier at him and our whole stupid breakup, with or without his help. I've been using my feelings as rocket fuel at university. Yes, perplexing I know, but I work well when im pissed off and under pressure. In any case, in my dream he wants to talk to me despite my retreat and ends up chasing me up a spiral staircase made of old fashioned baby strollers.

The baby topic is going to stay in the back of the closet. I don't think I want more children, but I need to think it out, and as I can't afford another baby right now, I'm not even going to bother stressing about it... despite what my unconcious might think.

The higher I go the thinner and more wobbly the staircase becomes, but I keep going, to escape whatever he has to say to me. I know it can only be bad news, I haven't heard it yet and already I'm crying, the tears clouding my vision. And then suddenly through the haze I'm beffudled and staring at real clouds. I've triped and as the tip of my shoe looses touch with the staircase, I realize I'm going to die, a horrid stain on the ground. I keep falling, the realization of death slowing everything down to torturous slowmotion.

I feel his hand grasping mine and I try to hold on to gravity. Some things are worse than death, and death in a dream is hardly as bad. My resistance is futile however, and time goes back to normal with a jolt as he pulls me over the edge, into a dark room and into a bed. He starts to undress me, softly. I give in without saying a word, hoping he won't either, and I get my wish.

When we finish I lie there with my eyes closed, but awake, just sensing how comfortable everything is, the bed, the sheets, the soft pillows, and the feel of warm skin on skin. I wonder what to say to him as his hands slide up my neck. "Thank you", "I'm sorry" and "I hate you" all come to mind, but I never get a chance. Once I realize it's not a loving carress it's too late, his hands are already clamped around my neck, his eyes bearing into me with complete non chalance. Should have picked gravity, should have picked the stain on the ground, should have at least picked "I hate you". Betrayed not once, but twice now, by the same man. I'd be embarrased if i I weren't so busy being angry. He says something, but fortunately the lack of oxygen is already taking its toll and i can't make it out over the blood pumping, crying out for release in my head. Everything fades into darknes.

Now this next bit I'm not even going to explain. All I can say is I need more zen, and less power puff girls. Presumably I'm dead. This usually stops my dreams, or at least shifts them over into after life mode....I don't know if this can be called that... there's two amoebas floating about like amoebas do. One is a Silvia amoeba and the other is a Rockstar amoeba. I can tell because they even have little faces. The Silvia amoeba is making a hole in the Rockstar amoeba and pouring itself in like a malicious virus.

Back in the macrocosm, the Rockstar is now embodied by Tom Cruise. He's a wayward crazy drunk. It's maddening how he can just start to think clearly and suddenly my voice starts off in his head confusing and annoying at the same time. Dead but alive.

Again the dream changes. I'm off to meet some hunk named Eddie (actually he's a character from some American sitcom that I can't exactly place right now). Apparently we've been sleeping together and I'm madly in love with him. The only problem is that Eddie likes to sleep around, and needless to say, is not maddly in love with me in turn. Oh and that my mother and siblings have decided to tag along. I figure everything will be fine, I'll make some quick introductions, some even quicker excuses and Eddie and I will be alone.

Sure... I didn't count on him and my mom hitting it off. I'm too busy to intervene, what with having to get my brother and sister out of the vecinity without them seeing anything. I send them off to do some errands and head back to the room, intent on chewing Eddie's ear off, but through the glass doors that lead out to the yard I can see my son playing at the edge of a pool. Obviously that's too dangerous to overlook, so I go outside to check on him. I stand between the pool and a large patio where there's a masked ball going on. Eddie arrives at my side smiling as if nothing had happened and takes my hand. I decide to overlook the fact that he just cheated on me with my own mother and keep watching my son. He's pulling some pretty big fish out of the pool and I start to worry about what else could be in there.

Eddie pulls me out of my thoughts by turning me at the waist towards the masked ball. He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger to direct my gaze towards a gorgeous woman with an hourglass figure and a feathered bird mask. "See that woman?" I nod, he couldn't possibly mean anyone else. He lets go of me, chin and hand, as if to push me away and ads, "She's fabulous in bed." He doesn't even turn around to see my reaction, just keeps gazing on at the woman. The bile, jealousy, pain and hate rise up to my throat but I can't help but smile. He likes hurting me, and I have to admit I enjoy it ((at this my concious mind can only tap my unconcious on the head patronizingly. That guy would be so dead in real life)).

I run off towards the pool because my son has pulled a stingray his own size out of the water. I help him put it back and worry over his eyes and the alligator hunter. When I look up Eddie is standing there admiring me. "I love it when you throw jealous tantrums like that,"he grins. And who am I to make him think otherwise?


And that's pretty much it. No wonder I never get any rest.

Bendita La Luz

I should put on a Barry White album for this post... I'm ridiculously head over heels for the Mexico City cutie. And just when I wanted to stay single, tsk. Not that I'm complaining of course (looks around for the Fates). So since last time he was in the city we've kept in touch, and he came back from Mexico City for about a month which was extremely enjoyable.

We're now officially "novios" (the English language urgently needs a literal translation to that, something better than boyfriend and girlfriend!), and so far so good... I made a list a couple of months back of all the things that I wanted from a potential partner, knowing that in theory I'm extremely picky, and that if I could stick to it in practice I'd stand a better chance of not tumbling down the rabbit hole of love after some egocentric roedent who's always late.

So guys, lend an ear, this is what women really want:

-Support, but not python style suffocation. No one likes dating their dad, trust me. You're not going to fix her life, and if she thinks you will she's better off staying home.

-Sensitivity, not helpless bunnies. Sure we like guys who are in touch with their femnine side, but if you cry over everything, act like a martyr or expect her to be your mummy, don't complain when she's got you by the short and curlies, or hopefully leaves you for someone with more emotional resources. Which, heaven forbid, doesn't mean we don't like bunnies. We just wouldn't date them, which explains why (too) nice guys always finish last.

-Dignity but not macho pride. No, it's not a good plan to go along with EVERYTHING we say. Listen, but don't obey like a well trained puppy. On the other hand, you're not the master of the Universe, and your girlfriend, lover, wife etc, is not your personal property to command. And as a side note, yes she has most likely been with other men, has friends and a life. You don't get the right to be jealous.

Etc, etc, etc (what? I'm not serving my sisters up on a silver plate for you guys, do your research). It's all about finding the balance in the Force. No, really.

I guess telling the Universe what your really want does work and the Mexico City Cutie seems to fit the bill. Damn singledom, how could I let that kind of chance pass me by?

On a sidetrack, I just got an email from my friend Tania, about tampons... apparently they contain asbestos (to prolong bleeding and up sales), dioxin (for bleaching, but it also happens to be carcinogenic) and rayon (for absorbency, but it also tends to stay in the body, absorbing dioxin and causing toxic shock syndrome which can be lethal). The FDA says it's all malicious rumours. More on this soon...

I WISH!

I was looking at my referrals and they´re stranger than usual... so here´s for sharing...

Someone is looking for a mojo perfect girlfriend... apparently I don´t qualify since I´ve received no odd emails... as if i care... :( Didn´t they see the quizzes!?

Someone else from Hamburg is looking up a silvia who was an aupair possibly in Hamburg. David Black... if it´s you, you know exactly where you can stuff it.

Strangely, someone translated it into Spanish... I will now translate the translation into English for your general amusement:

The crows and the they´ll from raise pick your eyes outwards…

… the sloths from raise on the other hand and they wont do much of anything... in everything. To be honest, I´m really that puts itself up to date only because Rachel did it, and I feel the that it´s only polite to compensate her in class. I was on top all night, that made a child of brain of the play paste, that can be that images you are fun....


And so on and so forth... what do people who read this crap think of me? I wish they´d post a comment.

The next link is from a search for a "redhead Silvia", apparently she´s someone in the porn industry. Now, Boys, I really shouldn´t have to tell you this. All Redheads are evil. Trust me. Then again, you guys are watching porn on the internet, probably at work. Tsk tsk. You deserve whatever you have coming...no pun intended.

Then we have a referral from a blog called Literary Theory for Theology. How someone made it from sucha well thought out, cultured paged to here is beyond me. Must be the "next blog" button.

Argh! And next a page I shouldn´t be looking at while at work! (Well yeah, okay, less so than the others, you get my drift.) It´s in Portuguese... no prizes for guessing what kind of photography they have on there... And no, I won´t post a link.

Raise crows and they´ll peck your eyes out...

...raise sloths on the other hand and they won´t do much of anything...at all. To be honest, I´m only really updating because Rachel did, and I feel it´s only polite to repay her in kind. But UGH. I was up all night making a play dough brain stem, which you might imagine is fun. But try figuring out just how high the hipocampus is in relation to the thalamus at 2 am, while the cut straws at bits of string holding your model together slowly, but surely let the whole thing slide away, thanks to so much proding and molding transfering body heat to the dough.... I had to douse the poor thing in hair spray to keep it more or less whole. My neuroanatomy teacher is probably ripping it to shreds as we speak.

Still, my search for brainy information made for some interesting finds (important note, everything you are about to see on my wish list, and I´ll be infinitely gratefull to receive any of it... HINT: GET IT FOR ME NOW!):

1) Neuromart.com Top finds, brain pencil toppers, "got brians?" magnets and decals. I will LOVE you foreve if you get me the talking Freud doll and or finger puppet. The right and left hemisphere earings I WILL kill for. Ditto the silver lapel pin.

2) Redreef.com These guys have some interesting looking learning tools in the shape of software. Could be handy.

3) Enstein´s Emporium have the best sectional brain models I´ve seen so far. They also have an amazing 14 piece GIANT brain.

And I think that´s quite enough...

Duh!

Why does no one else realize this?!

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

And...

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

AND...

You Are Bad Girl Sexy

Girl, you are nothing but trouble. And that's hot. You've got the classic bad girl sexiness mojo going on. And your badass attitude makes men fear you - and crave you. Don't give into people who say to tone it down. You're perfect as is.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

Not Impressed

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation. Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life... You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material. You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Child of the Bohemian Revolution

...check...complete with ridiculous obsession with love...check. I love being a contradiction. So here´s some poetry inspired by the Mexico City cutsie. If it makes no sense that might be because it was originally in Spanish.

I´d Rather

I don´t eat,
Because I´d rather taste your lips,
I´ve stopped drinking,
Because I´d rather soak up your mouth
Flowers and perfumes no longer exist,
Because I´d rather breathe your scent,
All my reflections have broken,
Because I´d rather see myself in your eyes,
The voices are homologous and confused,
Because I´d rather hear your accent,
I don´t think,
Because I´d rather have you in mind,
But I´d much rather have you in my arms.


Now all together, awwwwwwwwwwww. Okay that´s enough!

And then what happened?

Well, I´m in a fitter writting mind state now, after that pathetic (but I hope at least funny) last post. So here´s the details of my life, for you and prosperity. Yes, I do enjoy reading my old post, if just for the sake of reminding myself to never say never. Besides, do you ever get that odd feeling that even when you were seven years old you thought exactly as you do now? I need to leave some evidence for the future me that things were not always so.

So, first the interesting bits...(drums please)...

Love Life

Er, I keep repeating this, but men are like buses. You´re out in the goddamn rain, carrying paper grocery bags, trying to eat chocolate simultaneously and none drive buy. When you finally start considering eating all the groceries at once, walking home and hibernating, five of them show up at once. Bastards. But I love you guys anyways...for the time being.

All bets are off with the rockstar. Pity, the first six months were grand, and the second half a dozen weren´t too bad either. But irreconciliable differences as usual. Now he's threatened with going off to another city. And I miss him dearly. However things were not working out and my bet is that this was not going to change. Why do people drag out relationships that don´t work? Someone told me love should be pleasurable, not martyrdom, and I agree.

Which brings me to the next bus, er man. He´s absolutely lovely, tall, dark, handsome stranger. Think Antonio Banderas but more awestruck. I´m entirely enthralled. However he: a) smokes (ewww), and b) lives in Mexico City. Long distance relationships equal four happy people, at least...in most cases. However, as I´m not completely numb and disappointed with love yet (oh what the hell because I really, really like him *giggles*), I´ve put off seeing anyone else till he comes back and I can sort out my feelings.

More of a train wreck than a bus i had a bit of a... how to put it... affair sounds too raunchy... one morning stand? Unplanned meeting of, er.. no. Well let´s just say a brief dalliance with one of the (your guess here) at uni. My closest and dearest can tell you this has been a long standing fantasy of mine, but reality didn´t quite live up to make believe. In any case, a good time was had by all except he wants to see me again, and, well read the previous post if you haven´t already. To be honest I can´t imagine he´s too bothered.

And the last two are type of buses that pretend they dont see you and just drive by. What is it with men? I thought they we´re all desperate to get into a girl´s pants? Two apparently healthy lads were just short of having served on a silver plate to them, and they both ran for the hills. Just as well, as otherwise I´d have to repeat the conversation I had with the (your guess here again) two more times, which does not appeal to me. I´d just wish they´d stop staring at me like lost puppies, sheesh.

And last but not least, I have Alan´s phone number! He´s working with a family friend and I find him irresistable. I haven´t done anything because I don´t believe in cheating, but now I´m single again... well I just happened to "borrow" his phone number from the office directory. Considering texting him ridiculously sappy and sexy messages from his "secret admirer". I wonder if guys like that?


On to other things, I´m now in Real Estate. The comissions are handsome to say the least but haven´t actually managed to sell anything yet sooo...

Considering taking up prostitution... not sure if this is a serious though yet or just the ramblings of a sleep deprived mind. Still, I´m not discarding it for the moment. Normally I would react to a comment like this with lots of femenist banter and point out that this would be the cowards way out. I don´t even know where the idea came from, it just ocurred to me that it would be something fun to try, if only just the once. Think about it, I´d work where other people play. Like a friend told me, everyone´s a whore, if you´re smart enough to get paid cash and upfront, all the power to you. So I´m leaving that on the back burner for the moment. If anything does come of it, be sure I´ll try and make a blog with all the juicy details in the hopes of getting a book deal and lots of money like Belle de Jour. Anonymously, so this will be the last you hear of this (unless you're Rachel, in which case you'll get to spell check. Love you darling!)

Truth be told this might have just been brought about by being sick and tired of not having any money, hardly any sex, and wanting a nice wardrobe. Thank heaven's for this whole Mexico City cutie situation, or I might be doing something silly right now. So this can get archived with all the other nutty money and/or orgasm making ideas.


Uni
Well aside from finding a totally unintended new use for the photography dark room, things have been pretty quiet at uni. My course is going well enogh, although my grades have been droppping due to time taken off to work. Ho hum... but that´s okay because I discovered I really like my neuroanatomy class, so there might be a future career direction choice in the works.

The photography students had their nude project again, and predictably enough I ended up modeling for them again. It was much more fun than the last time since they actually had a decent working space and lights set up this time. Too bad I got the only student who can´t focus...sigh. Eeep! Why do bosses always decide to come say hello when one is looking at possibly incriminating photos of one´s self! Fudge. Well anyhow, won´t post them here because I don´t really like any of them or they show too much. Which is really a silly excuse because they´re up on the uni display wall, but still. If and when I get a copy of the ones taken by the Photographer I´ll post some of those, since they´re much more flattering.

The radio students have also taken me up as their muse, since apparently i have a husky voice. They did complain that my s´s are far too...snake like? Hmmph, now everyone´s a critic.

Friends

I´ve got 2 new friends worth mentioning, Luna and the one that shall be known simply as V. They´re both loveley and put up with far more wailing and gnashing of teeth than they should from me.

And that´s about it. This post is far too long as it is.
More as soon as something interesting happens...or I feel like wasting more time at work...ack should stop doing that....

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want to...

...so there. I'm 22. Im finally considered an adult in Japan. As usual, there's no real difference between 21 and 22, you only start feeling "older" about six months down the line. For the moment i feel a bit heartbroken. Nothing seems to be working out quite as it should and time requieres its usual human sacrifices. "Girls will grow older, and guys will grow colder", seems oddly appropriate. Oh, fudge... i better update this when I'm in a happier mood, or failing that, drunken.

Dream log...

After a bit of a still summer, my weird dreams are finally coming back. If I could do only one thhing during my career as a psychologist, it would be to team up with a computer engineer and design a machine that could record people's dreams. As it is, I´m left writting what I can remember here.

Last night´s dream was one of THOSE. The type that make you feel you´ve got something, you can touch it, describe it, even hug it close to you so as to never let it go. And then you wake up. They always make me despair a little. Things are usually so fluid in dreams that when I get to hold on to something and I forget that I was dreaming in the first place, I manage to trick myself into thinking I have some kind of ownership. If I weren´t so human, Morpheous would probably have me hanged from the highest tree in the kingdom.

So what am I missing so much? A fox, with the loveliest redish brown fur and shinny green eyes with a knowking and mischievous glint. It was missing the usual whit tip on the tail and gloves. It was so lovely, and it´s fur felt like a lama´s. I was dreaming about being high up on a mountain top, in a witch circle, in a witch town. My mother and I were there for a ritual, and the circle was full of witches dressed in black hoods. At their feet dozens of black wolves were strung up doped with some noxious brew, prepared for sacrifice. Other witches were arriving, each cariying a pair of foxes, each more lovely than the last. So I took one and kept it.

When everything was ready for the ceremony, each witch lined up with their animal encased in a metal box with a long slim opening at the top and the poor beast´s snout sticking out one end. All the women brandished long knives with a hook on the tip, like a harpoons, and one by one theyplunged it into their sacrificial beast, at the top of the skull, and draagged it down the opening in the box to cleave themin two. My poor victim was a cartoonish guinea pig that made terrified face at me and was too small for it´s box. I kept trying to stab it but it managed to dodge my knife, till it finally died of a heart attack from the fright. I took it out of the box and examined it, hoping it was only playing dead. Guilty, is my least favourite feeling. And then I woke up, no fox, and no murder weapon.

Recurrent Reality

Ah, I love the smell of blogging when I should be doing something else (if it´s something more important or not is relative, in my opinion). Apologies for my long absence, and I´m sure you can all think up interesting and slightly unbelievable excuses for me yourselves. Mainly I´ve been having some financial trouble, nothing too bad but enough to have to cut the internet line. But now I´m back at university and the lovely library facilities.

Summer´s over and to be honest I´m glad. I was a bit sick of doing nearly nothing and wondering what this term will be like. I have "Functional Neuroanatomy", so here´s fingers crossed that I´ll get to dissect brains... at least just some tiny monkey brains (of course only if the monkeys died of natural causes, which might be a bit tricky).I´m a bit nervous because I changed to the afternoon timetable, so I´m going to be "the new girl". And you know how CRUEL human beings can be. On the other hand, they might make me their queen, bwahahahahah...

So before I run off to class in an hour and a half, I´m going to count what´s been gained and lost this summer:

Gained:
- a new dog. His name is Tecate, thank you worringly alcohol obsessed boyfriend =) He still doesn´t know how to fetch beer yet though. He´s a Belgian Malinois.

-Lot´s of zombie friends! I got to work in Resident Evil 3 as a zombie extra. It was fun, despite having to stand in the sun for hours, covered in mud with temperatures over 40 degrees.Mostly I guess only my hands will show, but just in case, look out for the tall blond behind the fence. The last two days of filming I got to wear prosthetics, which took an hour and a half to put on and the a bristling half hour to remove. It was painful, but well worth it. If they don´t edit me out (knock on wood) I´ll also be the blond zombie in a red dress at the begining! Saw Milla only once but she was less than 20 meters away. She´s very good looking and extremely friendly.

-Weight. Argh, have to start going to the bloody gym again.

-A fiance? Not till I have the ring, darling, haha but just thought I´d keep you on your toes!


Lost:

-My dad, for a whole 2 months. And then he came back a christian. Better the devil you now huh? Now we spend our afternoons discussing religion. He tries to convert me, I suceed in making him very angry about my faithlessness. I guess I should stop asking if man is made in God´s image. Like, to the smallest anatomical detail... which then beggets the question: Does God poo? I know, it´s extremely childish, but it works.